A girl with God and a lot of yeses in the middle

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Amanda, did you forget your family

This question was asked of me about two months ago by our driver.

I'll paint the scene with words.
I woke up at 4am to go to Port Au Prince for the day to get some paperwork sorted out for our vehicle.  By 7am that day we had, dropped someone at the airport, had a flat tire, fixed a flat tire, I used the bathroom in a car dealership that had barley opened, and little was to be heard about whether or not our papers were going to get situated.  So at 7am, on the side of the road, waiting for a man I had never met, in a van with our driver I started balling.  It was just a bad day.  I was the kind of day where I wanted to pack up, get on a plane, and leave forever.  It's good thing I've learned not to make decisions based on emotions or I'd be back.  Because it was a bad day I started to cry pretty hard in the front of the van.  Our driver Evel, who has become a dear friend of ours asked me, "Amanda, did you forget your family."  I then lied and said yes.  I didn't forget my family, which was his translation of do you miss your family, I was frustrated with Haiti that day.  I was frustrated that I couldn't renew an insurance policy online. Good thing I moved on emotionally.  Today we have those papers, and really I just freaked out.

Evel is a very kind man and he was equally as excited about me being able to see my family last week (which is why there was no post) as I was.  At lunch the week before I went he decided to tell all of our staff the story I just shared from above.  He told everyone I cried about missing my family.  I didn't cry that day, but I had cried a lot before about missing them.

So, last week was awesome. Here are a few reasons why.
1. I took a hot shower every day.
2. I held hands with my mom & dad for a week
3. I talked girl talk with my sisters
4. I was able to pray with one of my sweet cousins
5. I ate steak, twice
6. I didn't eat rice for 6 days
7. I slept on the most comfortable couch.
8. I ran on the beach
9. I laughed hard with cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.
10. I went on a girl date with my niece.

But the best thing about last week was a little dose of revelation that I received.  Items 1-10 were and are absolutely wonderful.  I think I had the expectation that seeing those people, participating in those events, eating that food would fill some hole I had from not being in the States for 5 months.  But they didn't.  Just like a new bike on Christmas day doesn't fill your belly, 1-10 is not the thing that ultimately satisfies me.

Get ready, here's the revelation that I experienced.  God in all of who he is is the only thing that satisfies ultimately.  Everything else is just a gift.  I was given a gift last week to have my 1-10 list, but the depths of me were not altered.  I don't know how to describe this but I think I experienced it for the first time.  Pure thankfulness and joy over a gift with a pure reality that it satisfied nothing.  While I was running one afternoon on the sand I just felt him say, "your running on different ground, but you are still running."  He may take me to different lands, invite me to be a part of different works, ask to me to lay down different rights, but at the end of the day I'm still running with him.  His name is what sustains me, his presence is what fulfills me, and his consistency is what keeps me.

Now, I had a blast.  It was basically awesome.  But the revelation made the return to Haiti feel hopeful.  It's not a hot shower or lack of rice that satisfies me, it's just being with the living God.  So, last week was the best gift I've ever been given.  It was a week with some of my favorite people in the world.

So, now I wait for the next gift, but in complete satisfaction of who He is today.

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