A girl with God and a lot of yeses in the middle

Monday, September 3, 2012

If you despise today you will despise tomorrow

Wow, Amanda what a title.  Yes my friends this is the way in which I will regain my blog following.  Do I really care about people reading my blog, well yes I do so READ!

That title was a word I so kindly felt God speak to me a few years ago and it has been a truth I have held onto since I graduated from college.  You see I am a single white female looking for that special someone (kind of but that's a country music line I inserted for what should be a comedic element).  My single status has brought about many an emotion.  I was just telling a friend today how this 1.5 years in Haiti has probably been the easiest.  That's not always the case though, and during a that wasn't the case season I felt God speak so clearly to me, "Amanda if you despise this season, you will despise the next."  Uggggh, talk about a gut puncher.  I felt he was speaking it in regards to my self-pity of woe is me the lowly single girl who has yet to find her bridegroom (very dramatic yes?), but have discovered that it applies to much more than my singleness.

Am I thankful for today?  Am I thankful for what is put before me each and every moment of every day, or am I grasping out for what is next?  What is the more adventurous thing I could do?  What place in the world would I gain even more experience in than here in Haiti?  Oh why am I single and must google car parts?  Or am I saying, wow God thank you for an amazing team.  Thank you for dear ex-pat & Haitian friends who I now can't imagine not knowing. Thank you for the insane amount that I have learned in this small nation. Thank you for the parents, sisters, brother-in-law, nieces, cousins, grandparents, aunts & uncles you've given me.  Thank you for the power of the Spirit that is living and breathing inside of me.  Thank you that I was rescued & saved out of darkness to dispel that darkness out of the life of others.  Thank you that you have called me yours.

Which one am I and which one will I choose to be?  I love the scripture that talks about how a thankful heart prepares the way of the Lord.  Am I preparing His way or am I blocking His way with my dissatisfaction of what I don't have.  What if I was married?  Would I have had stirred the attitude & spirit of thanksgiving in my life, or would I wish I was single and fancy free again?  Would I be taking an attitude of contentment into a marriage and a family or would I re-produce grudging and complaining in my husband and family?  I don't know to be honest.  I want to be one that says THANK YOU for the hard days and the high days.  Oh Lord create in me a spirit of thanksgiving that ushers you into my & our midst.  Let me say thanks for today & thanks for tomorrow even when I am left with a longing and a wanting.

To be thankful is not to lack want.  At least I don't think so.  Friends all 3 of you who read, I want a husband.  I want a life partner who I fight with, who I fight for, and as my covenant partner in which we see the Kingdom of light manifested in a dark and hurting world, but today he is yet to be.  I want to have children that shake the world & fight against the status quo.  I want children who in the midst of the fiery furnace like Shadrac, Meshasc, and Abendego continue to worship the Holy God.  I want to be a part of an earth shaking family.  I want to hold a baby... that's mine.

But today they are not yet in my life.

But the real truth is you want to know when I REALLY wish I was married.  I unashamedly say, when I am in airports.  I don't care who you are, what your political affiliation is, but is is a cold hard fact that MEN CAN HAUL LUGGAGE!  Oh man, my poor yet to be revealed to me husband has no idea what is in his future.  My dad does, but he does not.  Seriously I could do about a million push ups and it still is not easy to get that 50 lb. piece of luggage up onto that scale at the check-in counter.

So during my next airport experience that will quickly approach in October, I will have the opportunity to say Thank you living God that I get to build my upper body strength by hauling this 50 lbs suitcase through this 3rd world airport.  THANK YOU!!

Here we are me & my future hubs.  Look at how effortlessly he & I model those bags.  We are travel pros.


  1. Amanda. I love this post. Seriously. Well spoken. A timely word. You are wonderful.

  2. Ditto what Amanda Collette said...love this post, even if I am seriously late in reading it. I'm still praying for him, by the way :)

  3. I love this post! Such truth and honesty....seriousness and comedy! You will have that husband and family....someday....God isn't finished molding you and him yet to be ready to face the rest of your life together. Maybe someday you will have twins...hence the reason you must work on that upper body strength! ha ha! Thanks for all you do and making me smile with your posts!

  4. You are hilarious! And see, you still have a blog following ... at least 5 of us. Granted I'm a few weeks late, but I made it all the same. :)