A girl with God and a lot of yeses in the middle

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The battle & rest

Well guys, I've returned from my awol (not awall SG) stint from the blog.  This occurred due to the failure of my motherboard and a memory card; both of which I did not know existed in a computer 2 weeks ago.  I was an anxious nervous wreck but after my time in the Dominican Republic and a few Dell computer technicians I re-calibrated to peace.

I try to convince myself sometimes that I'm just doing life in a transplanted form.  Like Amanda in Texas is just Amanda in Haiti and so life should move just as it always has.  I think I try to convince myself when I am weary of the battle.  What we as Christians are doing is fighting in a battle that at times is very obvious but many times we are fighting in an unseen war.  I was in the battle in Texas but I had a really sharp sword because there were many other people sharpening theirs against mine.  I was comfortable in my armor.  I was aware of my weaknesses.  I knew the enemy and his patterns.  I felt on top in Texas.

The ultimate reality is that I am still on top.  I/We the church have the upper hand.  We carry the name of Jesus as a trump card.  You say his name, you win.  It purely is that simple.  I was in Haiti for 10 weeks before I left for the first time.  Honestly, I was nervous.  I was nervous I wouldn't want to go back, eek.  I was nervous that after a week in the Dominican Republic I would be too scared to return.  The exact opposite occurred.

The DR was a blast.  I ate a chili's hamburger.  I went to a movie.  I was able to connect with two of my teammates in a very sweet way.  I ate an apple most days.  I slept in a freezing cold room.  I took many hot showers.  I was comfortable for one week.  I rested.  In every war there is a time where the fighting must pause.

The DR was a pause for me.  Not just because I slept in a hotel, but because I rested from the intensity of the front lines.  Again, I want to convince myself that it really is just life in a different land.  It's life in a different world.  We are here on the front lines.  When a soldier is fighting on the front lines it's because they've been chosen to be there.  Something about their character means they will take high risks on behalf of a King or a country leader they most likely have never met.  When they are there on the front lines all they see is the battle at hand.  There is no other perspective other than what is right in front of their face.

I've been looking right in front of my face for 10 weeks, and I was a little tired.  That's why I was nervous.  I was nervous I wouldn't want to return to that.  I was weary.  But, when taken off of the line, the battle looks much different.  You see a greater whole rather than the 1 task at hand in front of you.  During my rest the Lord gave me a new perspective.  He showed me what He is doing in Haiti, in our team, and in our ministry.  He didn't show me all of it because I am not to be entrusted with all of it.  He took me up to see the battle at a birds eye view.  He reminded me that his name is the trump card.  He also reminded me that he has already won.

I am so thankful for my week of rest.  I returned excited and expectant for what God has for me and for this nation.  This journey so far has been more about the discovery of who God is opposed to what his hand is doing.  I can't wait for more battle cries.  More spaces to see his Kingdom.  And more than anything else, to know the depths of the heart of God.

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